Rule # 3: Learn to be Lazy

When I first told her I was pregnant, my grandmother assured me she wouldn't be giving me any special treatment. "Nothing worse than a pampered woman," she said.

Since that time, I've been allowed to do exactly two things at her house: keep an eye on my pap for her while she runs around outside, and eat. Every now and then, I'm allowed to use the riding lawn mower, but it's been so deadly hot the grass hasn't needed mowed for at least a month.

Something you quickly learn after everyone finds out you're pregnant is that no one wants to let you do anything. Well, except your husband, who will be clueless that there actually are some things you shouldn't do. Like inhale paint fumes in a closed-off area you want to make the nursery, or lift 50 lb. bags of dog food. Or spend five hours in the 90 degree heat to weed and tanbark all day. Everyone else, though, will be quick to prevent you from doing anything remotely dangerous.

Now, at first, you may think this sounds like an awesome state of existence. A built-in, rock-steady excuse to get out of any hard work, or even mediocre work. And sometimes, you are glad for the excuse just for the pure fact that you didn't feel like doing it anyway. But when it gets to the point where you feel like it's amazing you are allowed to even walk anywhere without a protective bubble around you, you become...well, exasperated.

I've always been the kind of person that felt guilty about spending a day doing next to nothing, even when sick. Now don't get me wrong, I have had plenty of them, but I always would feel bad about it. If you are a similar kind of person and you now find yourself pregnant, please, LEARN TO BE LAZY. Fact of the matter is, there are a lot of things you shouldn't do, and you should take it easy. Things that you don't think are pushing it, probably are actually pushing it. I actually did take what had to be less than an hour one day about three months in to my pregnancy to spread some tanbark, and I was knocked out the entire next day, not feeling all that well. I thought it was preposterous that something so little could have such a huge effect the NEXT day, but I must admit, it's the only thing that makes sense. So I've come to terms with my newly inflicted laziness. If I accomplish one thing a day, no matter how small, then I let myself lie around the rest of my free time guilt-free.

And, really, you should too, because as every woman who has ever been a mother will tell you, you won't have much guilt-free time once the kid is out of your stomach. And you won't have a whole lot of relaxation/nap time either, so we might as well get it while we can! Like making deposits in our rest banks for when the funds are running low over the next couple of years. Or decades.

So become a pampered woman, squash the ego when people tell you that you shouldn't do something (trust me, I know how hard THAT is!), and get yourself a big cold glass of sweet nothing-ade. Sip it nice and slow, for about the next nine months of your life.